Local Newspaper Strands Readers Due to President's Request

A local Redmontian newspaper, with a longstanding daily post tradition, unbowed by power and unbought by money has left readers stranded. Readers have previously relied on this newspaper for their high quality & unbiased news, however due to some legal issues, aka the Redmontian President requesting to remove a quote he sent directly to us, we had to readjust.

The tag says local grievances, but the only ones that have suffered grief was us. The turmoil this event caused was unprecedented and caused entire departments across the newspaper to grind to a halt while we reflected, reorganized, and deleted the comment that he made.

We want to be transparent, so here's the chain of events, which isn't satire:

A user contacted us, under the name Multiman155 and wrote about a foot fetish. Whilst we could not confirm whether this was the real Multiman155, we decided to trust our fellow human, and post this. This paper was founded on one sacred principle: trust every stranger on the internet immediately and without question.

A day later, another user under the name Multiman155 contacted us to remove the comment made by the first user. At this point faced with a choice between journalistic integrity and not being sued, we bravely chose whichever one was cheaper, we decided to delete the first comment and post the second.

Then, Multiman155 contacted a staff member to get us to delete the second comment. Legal scholars may observe that this arguably violates the very essence of Redmontian law, which protects all speech that is not slander or libel. We observed it too. We observed it very quietly, into a pillow located in Gary's penthouse.

As you can see, this was a lot to take in, and under the circumstances of the president being a really sensitive man, our ongoing and frankly desperate need for special favors from staff, and us not having the money for legal troubles, we made the courageous editorial decision to fold immediately and completely, but the trauma is still with us, and we apologize in advance.

This statement has been reviewed and approved by the president. Twice. He sent edits.

Please note the lowercase 'p' in president in certain cases. This is a deliberate typographical choice indicating that any resemblance to actual Redmontian presidents, living or elected, is purely coincidental. Our lawyers (the intern) made us say this. They're standing right behind us.