The UJP takes a bold stance on the Appropriations Act

Our official sources confirmed Sunday that Representative Emeraldguuy has officially announced his bold and unequivocal stance on the appropriations act.

The stance? Him announcing that he entered his eleventh consecutive day of "carefully reviewing" the appropriations act, a document colleagues note is four pages long. When pressed for comment, Emeraldguuy reportedly stated that the bill "raises important questions on both sides," before excusing himself to go consider additional perspectives, none of which have yet resulted in an opinion.

Analysts at redmont.wtf believe Emeraldguuy is waiting for the vote tally to reach a decisive margin, at which point he is expected to courageously agree with whoever already won.

The lone UJP representative defended his approach, arguing that taking positions is precisely the kind of divisive politics voters are tired of. When further questioned using a rope, chair, towel and a bucket of water, he asked us our opinions on the act, and mentioned that he'd consider them. Because we felt listened to by him, we let him free.

"Leadership isn't about making decisions,"

he explained. "It's about being present, nodding thoughtfully, and abstaining at the last possible moment." At press time, he had announced the formation of an exploratory committee, with the promise that all members of this committee would have a say on where food will be catered from. The committee is currently in a 72 hour discussion process on where to order food from. The committee will present him with findings shortly after the bill passes, fails, or is forgotten entirely.